There’s a moment that happens at almost every wedding I photograph.
It’s usually somewhere between the ceremony ending and the reception beginning. The music is playing, the drinks are poured, your people are laughing…and you’re somewhere else. Not physically. But mentally, you’re running through a checklist. Worrying about timing. Wondering if you got the shot. Trying to remember what comes next.
You planned this day for months. Maybe years. And you’re spending it in your own head.
I don’t say that to make you feel guilty. I say it because it’s one of the most common things couples tell me they wish they’d done differently, and it’s almost entirely preventable.
Here’s what I’ve learned after years of documenting wedding days: presence isn’t a personality trait. It’s not something you either have or you don’t. It’s something you create the conditions for, long before the wedding day arrives.
Preparation is what makes presence possible.
The couples who are most present on their wedding day aren’t the ones who are the most laid-back by nature. They’re the ones who did the work ahead of time. They built a realistic timeline. They communicated clearly with their vendors. They made decisions early so there was nothing left to agonize over on the day itself.
When your timeline is solid, you don’t have to think about what comes next. You just get to live it.
This is something I take seriously from our very first conversation. Before we ever talk about poses or shot lists, we talk about your day; how it flows, where the light will be, how much time you actually need to get ready without feeling rushed. Because a well-built timeline isn’t just logistical. It’s emotional. It’s the thing that lets you exhale.
Give yourself permission to let go of the photos.
I know that might sound strange coming from your photographer. But hear me out.
The couples with the most beautiful images are almost never the ones who were focused on getting beautiful images. They were focused on each other. On the moment. On the fact that this was actually happening.
My job is to be in the room without being in the way. To anticipate moments before they happen. To move quietly and efficiently so you forget I’m there (until you see the gallery and remember everything).
You don’t need to perform for the camera. You don’t need to check in with me, manage me, or worry about whether we’re getting what we need. That’s my job. Yours is to show up and be there.
Let the small things go before they happen.
It will rain, or it won’t. The timeline will run long, or it won’t. Your flowers will be slightly different than the mock-up, or they won’t.
Something will be imperfect. It always is. And almost none of it will matter by the time you’re on the dance floor.
The couples who struggle most with presence are the ones who’ve decided ahead of time that perfection is the goal. The ones who are most present (and most joyful) are the ones who decided early that the goal was connection. Celebration. Actually being there for the thing they spent so long planning.
Before your wedding day, I’d encourage you to make a short, honest list of what actually matters to you. Not the aesthetic details. Not the logistics. The real things. The first look. The moment your dad sees you. The speech your best friend has been writing for six months. The first song.
Write those down. And on the day itself, orient yourself toward those moments. Let everything else be background noise.
Make it to cocktail hour.
This one is personal to me, because I’ve seen it go both ways too many times.
Cocktail hour is, genuinely, one of the best parts of a wedding day. It’s the exhale after the ceremony. It’s your people all in one place, still buzzing from what they just witnessed, before the formality of the reception sets in. It’s the moment your fiancé looks at you and says, we actually did it.
And so many couples miss it; stuck in a portrait session that ran too long, or a timeline that wasn’t built to protect it.
When we work together, making it to cocktail hour isn’t an accident. It’s a plan. Portraits are efficient and intentional. We move with purpose, not pressure. And when you walk into that room and your people cheer (and you’re actually there to hear it) that’s the moment I’m always working toward.
Presence is a gift you give yourself. And it’s one I take seriously as part of my job to help you have.
If that sounds like the kind of wedding day you want, unhurried, joyful, and actually yours, I’d love to talk.
Melissa Cook is a Virginia wedding photographer for couples who want to be fully present on their wedding day, not stuck in a photo shoot, while still walking away with timeless, true-to-life images that feel effortless and elevated.
